(Note: I came across this old writing today while I was writing in my journal. My Sir and I are currently living together and our relationship has evolved from D/s to M/s over the past four years. This post was written in April 2016 in the beginning of our D/s journey.)
I need to replace the carpet in my living room. I need to decide between laminate flooring and carpet. I can’t afford hard wood floors. I do some research online. I go to the store in person and I make my decision…Laminate. I go home. I can’t sleep. I worry that I can’t afford it. Thoughts running through my mind…What if something major happens with the house? What if the cats ruin the floor? What if? What if?
I wake up determined the next day to get carpet. Back to the store I go. I pick out the carpet. Back home. I still can’t sleep. I am still not satisfied and I’m filled with anxiety. Did I do the right thing? I am wishing I didn’t have to decide.
I see my Sir that night and tell him about my last two days. After a brief discussion, he tells me…” Go with the laminate.” Suddenly, there is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I go home and I can finally get some sleep.
When I first joined the BDSM lifestyle, I honestly wasn’t looking for anything more than play and kinky sex. I learned quickly that I enjoy submitting physically. I have told my Sir that I need to take things slow when it comes to D/s outside of the bedroom. However, I am now learning the attraction of being fully submissive in every day, practical matters as well.
I like to say that I am a strong, independent woman capable of making such household decisions as whether to get carpet or laminate flooring. On the other hand, it is even better that I don’t have to. It is so nice to be able to let go and trust someone else enough to hand over the decision-making. The peace and serenity that comes over me is incredibly powerful.
It makes me realize that I don’t always have to be the strong one. Maybe letting go and handing over the decision-making to someone I love and trust is the strongest thing that I can do for myself.